Over the past few weeks there have been more stories about people losing their jobs, their admission to elite colleges, or the full potential of their formerly bright futures because of what they posted online. The headline of these stories routinely emphasizes the social media platform on which the offense is shared, as though social media is the problem. It is not.
Over the past few weeks there have been more stories about people losing their jobs, their admission to elite colleges, or the full potential of their formerly bright futures because of what they posted online. The headline of these stories routinely emphasizes the social media platform on which the offense is shared, as though social media is the problem. It is not.
Social Media, Social Distortion
If 72 police officers share their racist views online, that police department has a lot more to contend with than enhancing their social media policy. They have a cultural problem. And if your son casually writes, ’Kill all Jews,’ and posts the N-word a dozen times in a shared classroom Google document, social media is the least of your worries. You need to address the underlying issue of incivility. Once you’ve dealt with that, teaching appropriate online behavior should be a breeze.
When parents attend my online safety workshops one question I know will be asked is how can we protect our kids from harming their futures while they are on social media. The answer is not to ban them from Instagram, it’s to raise them to be considerate, compassionate, generous and tolerant of others. The first step in raising good digital citizens is raising kind and thoughtful people. Sorry, but you can’t skip over that first part.
If 72 police officers share their racist views online, that police department has a lot more to contend with than enhancing their social media policy. They have a cultural problem. And if your son casually writes, ’Kill all Jews,’ and posts the N-word a dozen times in a shared classroom Google document, social media is the least of your worries. You need to address the underlying issue of incivility. Once you’ve dealt with that, teaching appropriate online behavior should be a breeze.
When parents attend my online safety workshops one question I know will be asked is how can we protect our kids from harming their futures while they are on social media. The answer is not to ban them from Instagram, it’s to raise them to be considerate, compassionate, generous and tolerant of others. The first step in raising good digital citizens is raising kind and thoughtful people. Sorry, but you can’t skip over that first part.
Teens and impulsivity amplified
It is true that kids and teens are more likely to post impulsively and in the heat of the moment without regard for consequences. But there is a difference between a teen who makes a mistake by posting a photo with a beer in his hand and a teen who repeatedly makes violent, racist, homophobic and misogynistic comments online. The first kid deserves a pass, the second one not so much. When 10 students got their admissions revoked from Harvard in 2017 it was not due to immaturity, but to ignorance. Their comments on a Harvard group chat were not teenage indiscretions, but examples of questionable moral character.
The first step in raising good digital citizens is raising kind and thoughtful people. Sorry, but you can’t skip over that first part.
Before we blame social media for broadcasting our misdeeds, we need to reflect on why we thought it was okay to say or do these things in the first place. The social platform was just the mode of communication, and amplification. There is not a college admissions officer out there (please back me up here) who would deny acceptance to an otherwise stellar student over a few adolescent indulgences found on Snapchat. Every adult was a teen once. Every adult remembers that one thing they did that they are relieved took place before the iPhone was invented.
It is true that kids and teens are more likely to post impulsively and in the heat of the moment without regard for consequences. But there is a difference between a teen who makes a mistake by posting a photo with a beer in his hand and a teen who repeatedly makes violent, racist, homophobic and misogynistic comments online. The first kid deserves a pass, the second one not so much. When 10 students got their admissions revoked from Harvard in 2017 it was not due to immaturity, but to ignorance. Their comments on a Harvard group chat were not teenage indiscretions, but examples of questionable moral character.
The first step in raising good digital citizens is raising kind and thoughtful people. Sorry, but you can’t skip over that first part.
Before we blame social media for broadcasting our misdeeds, we need to reflect on why we thought it was okay to say or do these things in the first place. The social platform was just the mode of communication, and amplification. There is not a college admissions officer out there (please back me up here) who would deny acceptance to an otherwise stellar student over a few adolescent indulgences found on Snapchat. Every adult was a teen once. Every adult remembers that one thing they did that they are relieved took place before the iPhone was invented.
Moral Courage vs. Keyboard Courage
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat are integral to our connections and interactions with one another. But nothing in these communication technologies can be blamed for the content an individual chooses to share. Yes, there are trolls who gain keyboard courage to hurl vitriol and insults they would not be brave enough to say in person, or in public. And a mob mentality can escalate quickly in an online environment. But hate is hate, whether you hide behind a screen, an anonymous app or a sheet, the offense is in the belief not in the mode in which it is communicated. If I put a discriminatory poster on my front lawn, the offense would be in the message, not the way in which I displayed the sign. And I certainly do not want kids to get the idea that it is okay to be a bully, just make sure you don’t leave a digital trail to your despicable behavior. We need to remind our teens to be ethical, thoughtful and stay true to their values whether they are in the classroom, a college interview, in public or behind a computer screen.
We need to continually remind our kids to be careful about what they post, like and share online and emphasize that a comment or joke could easily be misinterpreted and deemed offensive even when not intended to be. They need to hear again and again that once they share something digitally, they have no control over where it ends up or who may eventually see it, find it, and share it further. Everything online has the potential to go public and be permanently tattooed to your profile. So before we allow our kids to go online, we should make sure they have a strong moral foundation, are developing positive character traits and care about the feelings of others. And the adults in their lives need to be positive role models, both online and off.
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat are integral to our connections and interactions with one another. But nothing in these communication technologies can be blamed for the content an individual chooses to share. Yes, there are trolls who gain keyboard courage to hurl vitriol and insults they would not be brave enough to say in person, or in public. And a mob mentality can escalate quickly in an online environment. But hate is hate, whether you hide behind a screen, an anonymous app or a sheet, the offense is in the belief not in the mode in which it is communicated. If I put a discriminatory poster on my front lawn, the offense would be in the message, not the way in which I displayed the sign. And I certainly do not want kids to get the idea that it is okay to be a bully, just make sure you don’t leave a digital trail to your despicable behavior. We need to remind our teens to be ethical, thoughtful and stay true to their values whether they are in the classroom, a college interview, in public or behind a computer screen.
We need to continually remind our kids to be careful about what they post, like and share online and emphasize that a comment or joke could easily be misinterpreted and deemed offensive even when not intended to be. They need to hear again and again that once they share something digitally, they have no control over where it ends up or who may eventually see it, find it, and share it further. Everything online has the potential to go public and be permanently tattooed to your profile. So before we allow our kids to go online, we should make sure they have a strong moral foundation, are developing positive character traits and care about the feelings of others. And the adults in their lives need to be positive role models, both online and off.